You like me, but I don't like you, I hope you have a second choice
by quixoticEntity
Summary: Robin's not faring to well in the love department. He's gay, but girls seem to love him, so he decides to get rid of that problem. . . By putting the girls with their second choices.
1. Why so many lists?

Robin sighed, how many times had it been today? Three? Four? Another girl, another confession, another no. He had to get rid of all these girls. But how? Set them up with other boys? No, that would be. . . actually, that would be pretty good. But where to start? How to start? Who to start with? He started with what he knew:

He made a list.

Boys on one side, girls on the other. Than, individual lists for each boy and each girl. All the combinations, the possibilities. What about him? He quickly scribbled a list for himself. Boys and girls alike, ok, maybe not girls, were on his list. That went back to the question: who to start with? Darts? Roulette? Should he just blindfold himself and see who he ran into first? All of those were ridiculous. Maybe he should just go down list. Yeah, that made sense. And the first person on the list:

Chrom.

Who should he put Chrom with? Why make it complicated? He would just ask Chrom. So he did. He was meeting with Chrom later, anyway, why not just bring the list?

So, he did, "Pick one," Robin said, bluntly.

"Your trying to set me up, again?" Chrom chuckled.

Robin smiled, "Yeah, but this time, you get choose your date."

"You realize that anyone I pick might not come, right?"

Robin blinked, "I hadn't. . . that's right. I'm sorry, Chrom, that was insensitive."

"I'm not the one you should apologize too."

Robin sighed, "I guess not. I'm just tired of all these girls asking me out, saying no, rinse and repeat."

"Why don't you choose?" Chrom asked, smiling at his best friend's antics.

"It's hard. There are too many choices, too many combinations."

"Well, here," Chrom took the list and crossed some the names off, "why don't you do that?"

"Ask everyone who they'd prefer and go from there?"

"Yeah, you could take whatever pairs of people would like each other and go from there."

Robin abruptly stood, "That's genius! I'll do it right now. Thanks Chrom!" Robin left.

And that was what he did, it went off without a hitch, until he got to Tharja.

"Oh, you want me to circle my favorites?" Tharja smiled, "why aren't you on this list?"

"I'm gay, Tharja."

"So, I have to become male to recieve your affections?"

"That's not all you have to do," Robin muttered, "can you pick your second choice?"

"You are my only choice."

"Ok, I'm gonna go now," Robin walked away slowly, slightly creeped out.

Tharja chuckled, "Soon, my love, soon."

Robin shivered, every encounter he had with Tharja left him with a paranoia that she would do something. He didn't know what, but he knew she would do something. He put her on high priority, probably making her the first or maybe second person he would setup. He looked at the lists, noting that most people had chosen one, maybe two, people to be with. That made his job easier, if the one they chose had also chose them, which wasn't always the case. Time to try avoiding some awkward love triangles.

* * *

 **Q: I've done it. I've made a parody of another one of my fics, which was kind of a parody itself. Well, this is something. I know, I said I'd wait til I was done with the other one to write this but oh well. I plan on publishing the remaining chapters of female!Robin and chapters of this around the same time. Who knows with I'll actually do that though, haha. . .**


	2. Tharja's first up

Robin looked at his lists, rummaging through to find who wanted to be with Tharja, he figured he should do the hard one first. What he found surprised him. Not one, but two people were willing. He didn't think there would be one, let alone two. Well, he supposed he shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.

 _Later..._

Tharja frowned, she had been told to meet Robin at the pub he usually met Chrom at. She heard footsteps, causing her to quickly turn around, only to find Chrom. She scowled, she was supposed to meet with Robin alone.

"Oh, hello, Tharja," Chrom smiled at her.

"Why are you here?" Tharja bluntly said, skipping any pleasantries.

"I'm here to meet Robin," Chrom said, frowning, "why?"

Tharja pursed her lips into a thin line, "That's what I was here for."

Chrom furrowed his brows, "He told me he wanted to talk to me. Alone."

"Hmph, that was what he said to me."

"I doubt he would-" Chrom was cut off by Olivia running up to them.

"I-I'm sorry, Robin, I-" she opened her eyes, "oh, I'm sorry, I thought Robin was-"

Tharja cut her off, "Meeting you here?"

"Y-yeah, how did you know?"

"That's what he told us," Chrom explained.

"Oh, um, what should we do?" Olivia asked.

Chrom and Tharja frowned, they were left in an awkward situation, none knowing what to do.

"You should leave. I'm sure Robin only meant for me to come," Tharja said.

"No, Robin always came here with me after major battles," Chrom rebutted, wanting to defend his title of Robin's best friend.

Tharja glared daggers at him, "Why only you? The rest of us work just as hard."

"Because he actually likes me," Chrom replied, before realizing what he had said, "I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Of course you did," Tharja said, her knuckles turning white from squeezing her spell book.

"Really, I didn't," Chrom said.

"Spare me your pity," Tharja spit the words out.

Olivia glanced between the two, seeing the argument wasn't going to improve, "Uh, um, I don't-" she tried to interject, only for both to glare at her. She looked around, hoping for something to save her, realizing she was on her own.

"Look at that, you upset her," Tharja shot.

"Me? What do you mean, me?" Chrom shot back.

"Please stop fighting!" Olivia yelled, blushing after she realized her outburst. Both of them looked at her, signalling her to continue, "I think Robin, um, delibrately did this," she said, "because of those lists." Both of them stared, thinking it over. "Sorry," Olivia muttered.

"No, no, I think you're right," Chrom replied.

"Really? I didn't choose either of you. Obviously, Robin is the only one for me," Tharja said, a creppy grin on her face.

Olivia sighed, so much for that sliver of hope.

"I did," Chrom deadpanned.

"Are you serious? You think arguing well make me like you?" Tharja rolled her eyes, men.

"I did, too," Olivia muttered, "I-I like you, Tharja."

This statement shocked both of them, "What do you mean?" Tharja said.

"I-I meant what I said," Olivia was beet red after the statement.

"Really, Olivia?" Chrom muttered, dejected.

"Yes," Olivia said, "I'm sorry for wasting your time," she muttured, turning to leave. Tharja stopped her before she could leave.

"I wouldn't mind that much," Tharja muttered, "just don't make me do something so. . . embarrassing."

Olivia smiled, "Yes! Let's go eat!" she stopped, "if you wouldn't mind."

"No, I am getting hungry," Tharja glanced at Chrom, "I suppose you could come along."

Chrom blyshed slightly, "No, I wouldn't want to get in your way. I'm sure you'll have fun together."

Olivia grabbed his hand, "But it doesn't seem right without you. Please, join us."

"If it's alright with Tharja, I'll take up that offer."

Tharja rolled her eyes, "I already said it was fine, now come along, you're testing my patience."

Olivia's smile widened, she took Tharja's hand and they went into the pub.

* * *

 **Q: this didn't quite go as planned, but very little of my stories seem to... Anywho, although I have some pairings picked for this fic the majority... aren't. Therefore, feel free to request a ship. Of course, there's no guarentee I'll do your specific pairing, I do hope you'll enjoy this story regardless.**


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